Funny Quotes


Especially useful for Emcees or Speakers that need to keep the crowd entertained.


e-i-e-i-o is actually a gross misspelling of the word “farm”.

I am in shape. Round is a shape.

90% of all statistics are made up.

No one is listening until you fart.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

If at first you don’t succeed, call it version 1.0.

We’re not old people we’re recycled teenagers!

Plagiarism is copying from one source; research is copying from two or more.

Minds are like parachutes–they only function when open.

Mirrors can’t talk. Luckily for you they can’t laugh either.

If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving ain’t for you.

So far so good? so near, so bad.

Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.